she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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