I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
