We're facebook friends in real life
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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