The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
