remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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