A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
