just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
