And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We left the knife in your bed.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
