is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
