I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
