so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
