No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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