I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
