so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
