Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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