I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
