So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
