at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
