i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
