I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize