Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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she's into porn, im staying here tonight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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