Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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