All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
