I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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