Im at strip club and am horny
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
