I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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