Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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