I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She told me I should be a condom model.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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