shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
