What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
