I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
