Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
