the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
