my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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