I wanna passion pit in your ass
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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