Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
there is glitter all over my balls
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