it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
