Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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