I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
