Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
