You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
