He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
