I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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