U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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