Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
