Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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