Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
