first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
