I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
