Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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