Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
