now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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