well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
