Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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