I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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