i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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