Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
