I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
