you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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