ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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