I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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