I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
