Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
