I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
