North Korea, Best Korea!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
well you can't waste a boner
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
