Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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