Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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