A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
