Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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