census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
