I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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