Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
