i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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