I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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