Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize