Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
